Food Jokes ( 32 )


  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 165   |  

    Q: What is white, has a horn, and gives milk? A: A dairy truck! Q: What candy do you eat on the playground? A: Recess pieces. Q: Why don't you starve in a desert? A: Because of all the 'sand which is' there. Q: How do you make a walnut laugh? A: Crack it up! Q: In which school do you learn to make ice cream? A: Sunday School. Q: What do elves make sandwiches with? A: Shortbread Q: Why shouldn't you tell a secret on a farm? A: Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Q: What is a pretzel's favorite dance? A: The Twist! Q: What are twins favorite fruit? A: Pears! Q: If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make? A: Slippers! Q: What do you give to a sick lemon? A: Lemon aid!

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 179   |  

    A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, "Well it's what Mommy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 434   |  

    A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 183   |  

    A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 183   |  

    Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 403   |  

    Q. How much room is needed for fungi to grow? A. As mushroom as possible

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 285   |  

    Your Halloween costume came in the mail today. I opened it. It was a rooster mask and a bag of lollipops. Going as a c*ck sucker again!?

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 422   |  

    Q: What do you call stoned Mexicans? A: Baked beans.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 318   |  

    Q: Why did the students eat their homework? A: Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake. Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job! Q: Why do vegetarians give good head? A: Because they are used to eating nuts! Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? A: Because they cantaloupe. Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? A: Because it was soda pressing. Q: What do you call the king of vegetables? A: Elvis Parsley. Q: What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden A: Seizure salad Q: Did you see the movie about the hot dog? A: It was an Oscar Wiener. Q: "What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" A: "I want you inside me!" Q: What happens if life gives you melons? A: Your dyslexic

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 294   |  

    He who distinguishes the true savor of his food can never be a glutton; he who does not cannot be otherwise.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 149   |  

    Someone sent me an email about using vodka for cleaning around the house. It worked! The more vodka I drank the cleaner the house looked!

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 271   |  

    There is no wrong way of drinking whisky, If it makes you happy and you're enjoying It then you're already drinking It the right way for you.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 164   |  

    He who neither drinks, nor smokes, nor dances; He who preaches and even occasionally practices piety, temperance and celibacy, is generally a saint, or a mahatma or more likely a humbug but he certainly won't make a leader or for that matter a good soldier.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 165   |  

    Don't wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 1175   |  

    The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 178   |  

    Banta visits Santa at his home. Banta : Santa, what are you upto ? Santa : I’ve just finished writing a really awesome song about fajitas… Well it’s more of a wrap really.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 373   |  

    Que : What’s yellow and goes up and down? Ans : A banana in an elevator or on the stairs.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 329   |  

    Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes? The police thought it was a cereal killer.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 384   |  

    Que : Why is there a tomato in the train ? Ans : Because it’s a Subway.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 165   |  

    Que : Why did little Johny throw the butter out of the window ? Ans : Because little Johny wanted to see the butter-fly.

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 172   |  

    Que : What did the salad say to the fridge? Ans : Shut the door, I’m dressing!

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 207   |  

    A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.” The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 178   |  

    The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?” “No sir,” Little Johnny replies, “I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook!”

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  • Nov 2, 2017   |   Review 382   |  

    “I can’t find it anywhere!” she cried, searching through the box. “Oops!” came a voice from the kitchen. “Well, the toast is fine, but the owner’s manual is burnt to a crisp.”

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