Lawyer Jokes ( 22 )


  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 315   |  

    A lawyer was driving his Ford down the street, singing to himself, "I love my Ford." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He survived, but his car was Crashed. "My car! My car!" he sobbed. Another man was driving by and cried out, " you're bleeding! your left arm is gone!" The lawyer, sobbed again, "My Rolex! My Rolex!"

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 495   |  

    Lawyer: You say you're divorcing your husband for health reasons? Woman: Yes, I'm sick of him!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 429   |  

    You seem to be in some distress, said the kindly judge to the witness. Is anything the matter? Well, your honour, said the witness, I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 161   |  

    Lawyer: Your honour, please grant me anticipatory bail. Judge: What have you done? Lawyer: Your Honour, I have hired a new secretary!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 360   |  

    "What is a contingent fee? If the lawyer doesn't win your suit, he gets nothing; And if the lawyer does win it, you get nothing!"

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 174   |  

    You've been convicted 5 times of this offence - aren't you ashamed to own to that?" "No, your honour. I don't think one ought to be ashamed of his convictions!"

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 153   |  

    Lawyer: Why do you want to divorce such a beautiful and lovely wife? Husband: Look at my shoe, it is also beautiful but only the wearer knows how much it pinches!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 173   |  

    A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure do," replied the bartender. "Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 137   |  

    Overheard while sitting in a court, after a girl passed by. Advocate 1: She has a Supreme Court figure. Advocate 2: What do you mean? Advocate 1: No Appeal!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 459   |  

    Lawyer Special: A lawyer sent a text to his another lawyer friend Lawyer 1: Hey Bro, need your support. She is online and said "I love you". What should I do? Lawyer 2: First of all take a screenshot, documentation is most important!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 483   |  

    A lawyer was once arguing a matter for admission. The Judge, after perusing the judgment, remarked, "There is nothing in your case". To which, the lawyer promptly replied, "I know there is nothing". The Judge thereupon observed, "Then why did you file it?" Pat came the reply from lawyer: "Because the client wanted your Lordship's opinion and not mine"!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 176   |  

    In the middle of a trial, the judge asks the defendant: "You didn't bring your lawyer today?" Defendant: No, your honour. I've decided to tell the truth!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 443   |  

    वकील :- माई लार्डकानून की किताब के पेज नंबर 15 के मुताबिक . मेरे मुवक्किल को बा-इज्जत बरी किया जाये। जज: “किताब पेश की जाये।” . किताब पेश की गयी, जज ने पेज नंबर 15 खोला तो उसमें 1000 के 10 नोट थे। . जज मुस्कुराते हुए बोला:- “बहुत खूब!!!! इस तरह के 2 सबूत और पेश किये जाये।””

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 438   |  

    एक छोटे कस्बे की अदालत में एक मुकदमे की सुनवाई चल रही थी. आज एक 90 साल की वयोवृद्ध दादी माँ की गवाही होनी थी. बुढ़िया की याददाश्त ठीक है या नहीं, यह परखने के लिए बचाव पक्ष के वकील ने पूछा – “अम्मा, क्या आप मुझे जानती हैं ?” दादी माँ बोलीं – “जानती हूँ ? अरे तू पैदा हुआ है तबसे जानती हूँ … एक नंबर का चोर और कमीना है तू … बचपन में दूसरों के घर से चीज़ें चुरा कर भाग जाता था … स्कूल जाने के नाम पर रोता था … ये तो बता तू वकील कैसे बन गया रे ?” वकील सकपका गया और बात बदलने की गरज से सामने खड़े अभियोजन पक्ष के वकील की ओर इशारा करते हुए बोला – “अच्छा अम्मा जी, आप इनको जानती हैं क्या ?” दादी अम्मा ने चश्मा ठीक करते हुए दूसरे वकील की ओर गौर से देखा और बोलीं – “इसको ? अरे इसके तो मैं पूरे खानदान को जानती हूँ … जब ये छोटा था तब इसका शराबी बाप नशे में धुत होकर मेरे घर के सामने वाली नाली के किनारे अक्सर पड़ा रहता था और इसकी माँ झाडू लेकर उसे पीटती रहती थी. ये खुद अव्वल नंबर का छिछोरा था और कोई भी इसे अपने घर में घुसने नहीं देता था …. ” इससे पहले कि दादी अम्मा आगे कुछ और कहतीं, जज साहब चिल्लाये – “ऑर्डर … ऑर्डर !” फिर दोनों वकीलों को अपने पास बुलाकर धमकाते हुए फुसफुसाए – “कमीनो, अगर तुम लोगों ने इस बुढ़िया से मेरे बारे में कुछ भी पूछा तो तुम्हें अभी सीधा जेल भिजवा दूंगा !!!”

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 301   |  

    Judge: Tum apni limit cross kar rahe ho. Lawyer: Kaun saala aisa kehta he? Judge: Tum ne muje sala bola? Lawyer: Nahi My Lord, maine pucha KAUN SA LAW aisa kehta he?

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 165   |  

    ADVOCATE KI Biwi:Aap T.V aur Freez Kab Laoge? ADVOCATE:Court Me Talak Ka 1Case H Wo Solve Hote Hi Unka Ghar Ujdega aur T.V Freez Aa Jyega

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 433   |  

    "Santa-agar tumhe 1 lakh mil jaye to kya kroge Banta-to mai khusi se pagal ho jaunga aur zindgi bhar apna treatment karaunga.."

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 324   |  

    A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket again, the man told the bartender he'd had enough. The bartender asked, "I've got to ask you. What's with the pocket business?" "Oh," said the drunk, "I have my lawyer's picture in here, and when he starts to look honest, I know I've had enough."

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 381   |  

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 406   |  

    National Institute of Health is starting to use lawyers instead of white rats in experiments for three reasons: 1. There are so many of them. 2. You don't get nearly as attached. 3. There are somethings that rats wont do.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 188   |  

    Arrange marriage mein talaak kam kyon hote hain? A : Jo apni marzi se shaadi nahi kar sakta woh saala talaak kya khaak lega.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 189   |  

    Santa daru pite pakda gaya Judge – is aadmi ko kyu pakda hai Vakil – ye aadmi daru pikar driver ke sath jhagada kar rha tha Judge – kya sabut hai ki isne daru pi rkhi thi Vakil – kyunki vaha driver tha hi nahi akela hi laga pada tha ,,, Judge bi behosh

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