Military Jokes ( 40 )


  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 192   |  

    एक बार एक फौजी अफसर की शादी हुई। उसने अपने बटालियन के सारे जवानों को शादी की दावत पर बुलाया। खाना टेबल पर लगाकर सब जवानों को फौजी अंदाज मे कहा- "मेरे शेरों इस खाने को दुश्मन समझकर इसके ऊपर टूट पड़ो।" दुश्मनों को मार दिया अब बाकियों को बंदी बना रहा हूं थोड़ी देर में फौजी अफसर ने देखा कि एक जाट एक हाथ से लड्डू-जलेबी खा रहा है और एक हाथ से लड्डू-जलेबी जेब में ठूस रहा है। अफसर- ये क्या कर रहे हो? जाट- साहब जितने मारने थे, मार दिए। बाकियों को बंदी बना रहा हूँ।

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 174   |  

    एक बार एक फौजी छुट्टी में घर गया। घर जा के उस ने एक भैंस खरीद ली। भैंस को जब भी खोलता नयी जगह देख के भागने लग जाती। उस की ये हरकत देख के फौजी उसको पीटने लग गया। . फौजी की पत्नी बोली भैस को पीटो मत नहीं तो दूध नहीं देगी ये। फौजी बोला मुझे दुध नहीं चाहिए… Discipline चाहिए..!!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 170   |  

    एक बार एक पाकिस्तानी एक बंगलादेशी एंव हिंदुस्तानी भाई बैठ कर बीयर पी रहे थे ! … पाकिस्तानी ने बीयर पीकर ग्लास हवा में उछाला और बंदूक से निशाना लगा कर उसे टुकड़े टुकड़े कर दिया, और कहने लगा: इस्लामाबाद में ग्लास बहुत सस्ते है, इसलिए हम एक ग्लास में दोबारा नही पीते ! . बंग्लादेशी यह देखकर बहुत इम्प्रैस हुआ उसने भी बीयर खत्म कीऔर ग्लास हवा में उछाला बंदूक से उसे टुकड़े टुकड़े कर के बोला :– ढाका में ग्लास बनाने के लिए बहुत बालू है, इसलिए हम भी दोबारा एक ग्लास में नही पीते हैं ! . . अब हिंदुस्तानी भाई की बारी आई! . . वो मुस्कराया और बीयर खत्म की और ग्लास हवा में उछाला और बंदूक निकाल कर पाकिस्तानी और बंग्लादेशी को मार दिया ! और बोला : हमारे देश में बहुत सारे पाकिस्तानी और बंग्लादेशी रहते है, हमने जिसके साथ एकबार पी ली, दोबारा उसके साथ नही पीते !

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 141   |  

    An army major called his wife to tell her that he would be late home because dirty magazines had been found in the barracks and the soldiers responsible were facing serious disciplinary action. "The punishment sounds a little harsh," she said. "After all, most of the soldiers have pictures of women on the walls of their quarters." "No Honey..." the major explained patiently, "Dirty magazines means the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned properly!"

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 188   |  

    एक ‘अँधा आर्मी में भर्ती होने के लिए गया। . मेज़र:- ‘मैं तुम्हे किस काम के लिए रखूं? . . अँधा:- अंधाधुंध फायरिंग के लिए।

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 167   |  

    santa aarmi mein bharti ho gaya , captain – naujavaan aage badho , santa aage nahin badha ,, kaiptan – tum aage kyon nahin badhe ? santa – sar aapane hi to kaha , 9 javaan aage badhon ,, main to dasave nambar pe laga hoon

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 180   |  

    What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem? We're in the same boat.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 175   |  

    Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, Sir!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 178   |  

    What's the difference between God and fighter pilots? God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 174   |  

    The sergeant-major shouted at the young soldier, "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning, soldier." The soldier replied, "Thank you very much, Sir."

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 173   |  

    What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine? A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 177   |  

    A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 men and said, "I've got a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you're the laziest." 24 of the men immediately raised their hands. Just one man kept his hand down so the sergeant asked him, "Why didn't you put your hand up?" The man replied, "It's too much effort raising the hand, Sarge."

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 175   |  

    During the way my Granddad survived mustard gas and pepper spray. He's a seasoned veteran.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 156   |  

    How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy? Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 452   |  

    During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 175   |  

    The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building." • The Army will put guards around the place. • The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. • The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy. • The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 165   |  

    Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR!

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 181   |  

    During the Persian Gulf War, I was assigned to go to Saudi Arabia. As I was saying good-bye to my family, my three-year-old son, Christopher, was holding on to my leg and pleading with me not to leave. "No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating. We were beginning to make a scene when my wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza." Immediately, Christopher loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "Bye, Daddy."

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 443   |  

    Army Football Team Goes On A Break The Army coach gave his Army football team a few days off. Several decided to go down to Panama City Beach for fun and relaxation. Coach saw the players the first day back at practice and asked about their vacation. "Not good coach," said the players. "We never made it to the beach." "Why not," the coach asked, "car trouble?" "No," they replied, "every few miles down the interstate we saw signs that said, 'Exit, Clean Restrooms'. You have no idea how many restrooms we cleaned between West Point and Panama City."

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 163   |  

    Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a West Point Cadet? A: Six more weeks of bad football.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 164   |  

    Q: What do a Navy Midshipman and a West Point Cadet have in common? A: They both got accepted to West Point.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 188   |  

    Q. What do you get when you drive slowly by the Military Academy campus? A. A degree.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 174   |  

    Q: Why doesn't Army have ice on the sidelines during games? A: The guy with the recipe graduated.

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  • Nov 3, 2017   |   Review 174   |  

    The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don’t speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase “secure the building”. The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

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